Parents Reveal Their Weird Google Searches

Parents Reveal Their Weird Google Searches

Parenting is rewarding, but it’s also confusing, frustrating and, at times, overwhelming. This has led to some weird Google searches — we’ve all been there.

My child is a late talker. All of sudden, he took a huge interest in counting. It came out of nowhere, but he counts all the time — not entirely clearly, but the intent is there. He always uses the same sound for each number. Some come really close — ‘vree’ is ‘three’, ‘voor’ is ‘four’. Perplexingly, though, for a while ‘eight’ was simply a loud sniff. Each and every time. He gave every other number a good old go, but, as my friend suggested, maybe he just didn’t like the smell of that number.

I was in the middle of typing into Google “Why does my child sniff instead of saying the number ‘eight’” when I caught myself. I’d gone mad. It also struck me that if I was guilty of such weird Google searches, then I must have company. I can’t be the only parent to Google strange things. Google has got to be littered with confused parents at the end of their tethers, desperately seeking an answer — or at least another parent asking the same question. It’s good to have company.

I was right. I spoke to my colleagues and my boss admitted to researching ‘selective hearing 2 year old’ after his son seemed to develop deafness each time bath time came around. A colleague of mine said she had searched for the question ‘Why is my toddler pooping whole vegetables?’.

This gave me a brand new obsession. I was on a mission to find the weirdest Google searches parents have ever typed into the search bar. Some fellow parents have volunteered their peculiar search terms, and I’ve also used my digital marketing geekery to find some gems that parents have searched over the years. 

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. 

While you’re here! Check out this blog about completely unnecessary baby items

Strange Google Searches About Babies and Newborns

1. My baby weed in his own eye, will he go blind? — A friend of mine volunteered this one. She was changing her baby’s nappy and, as she says, “his little winky flipped up and squirted wee in his own eye”. She panicked and turned to Google. Thankfully, it all ended happily!

2. Where to buy strap ons? — Claire Roach of Money Saving Central explains “I was actually wanting those car seat chest straps. Don’t Google that.”

3. Will my baby ever sleep past 5am?

4. WHEN WILL MY BABY SLEEP?

5. Can I die from sleep deprivation?

6. Is it normal for my baby to sniff me?

7. Why is my baby’s poo (insert random colour here)? — It turns out that poop searches are really frequent. Literally any colour you can think of, a parent has Googled why their baby is pooping that colour.

8. Is it normal for a baby to poop X times a day? — Frequency is a big one, too. It’s almost like we have a fixation. Which brings us on to…

9. Why does my newborn’s farts smell? — I know they’re cute. But I’m not sure what we expect.

10. Is it normal for a baby to ignore you?

11. Is it normal for a baby to urinate yellow urine? — Pee is also something we’re preoccupied with, as parents.

12. Is it normal for a baby to growl? — If you’re wondering, apparently it isn’t entirely unusual for babies to growl

13. Why does my newborn go cross-eyed?

14. Will my baby ever walk? — This is one I can sympathise with — my son was an early walker, but his speech is delayed and when our kids are slow with these milestones, we get to thinking that our kid will somehow never sit up, walk or talk. We’d love to not worry, but we’re parents.

Check out 15 Lessons I Learned as a First-Time Mum

Weird Google Searches About Toddlers

  1. Is it safe for my toddler to eat lipstick?
  2. Is it normal for my toddler not to poop everyday?
  3. Can I give my toddler sleepy time tea?
  4. What to do if my toddler has swallowed a coin?
  5. Is it normal for my toddler to be scared of loud noises?
  6. Is it normal for my toddler to hump things?
  7. Is it normal for my toddler to laugh at nothing?
  8. How long does the terrible twos stage last?
  9. Is it normal for boys to full-on pull their foreskin?
  10. How to teach your toddler to wipe their own bum

Also check out: Parenting books I’d recommend

Interesting Google Searches About Kids

  1. Why do children’s teeth go black?
  2. Why does my child get worms all the time?
  3. Why does my child always have hiccups?
  4. Why does my child collect rocks?
  5. Why does my child draw upside down?
  6. Why does my child do massive poops?
  7. Why does my child drop everything?
  8. Why does my child eat mud?
  9. Why does my child irritate me so much?
  10. Why does my child lick things?
  11. Why does my child look like my brother?
  12. Why does my child look out of the corner of his eye?
  13. Why does my child move so much?
  14. Why does my child never stop talking?
  15. Why does my child only wear one sock?
  16. Why does my child say sorry all the time?
  17. Why does my child use a baby voice?
  18. Why does my child wake up so early?

If you love these collaborative articles, I’ve got another one for you: 25+ parents have chipped in to write this parenting advice blog.

Questions Parents Have Googled After Conversations With Kids

I had to include this section, because sometimes our Google searches are inspired not by our kids’ behaviour, but by the questions they ask us … or the questions they force us to ask ourselves. They somehow manage to get us to question reality and our own sanity.

1. What do unicorns eat?  — Vicky from The Growing Mum shared this gem. Her kids had been asking what different animals eat. They eventually got to unicorns. Vicky wasn’t sure, and it was only as she hit ‘search’ that she remembered that unicorns aren’t real. 

2. Do spiders have willies? — Karen from Cats Kids,Chaos was asked this by her son. She wasn’t sure, so she had to Google it. She advised me not to!

3. Do hippos have three legs? — This one is courtesy of my mum. She was on a car ride with my nephew, playing a game where she had to guess what animal he was thinking of. She asked if the animal had four legs or two legs. My nephew proudly proclaimed that the animal had neither four nor two legs. My mum eventually gave up, and my nephew let her know it was a hippo. ‘How many legs do hippos have?’ My mum asked. ‘Three’, said my 4-year-old nephew with such authority and conviction that my mum actually took to Google to check whether he was right. 

4. Can goldfish disappear?/Can a goldfish disintegrate? — Carolynne from Mummy Endeavours once Googled this after her family goldfish seemingly dissolved. Carolynne’s sixteen-year-old’s goldfish was in its bowl one day, gone the next, leaving everyone genuinely confused. Hours later, it was found under her sixteen-year-old’s bed. Carolynne got her husband to fetch it (covered in dust) and pop it back into the bowl. Slowly, incredibly, it began swimming again. The mystery was never quite solved but now we know that the common goldfish is harder than we ever knew!

I’d love to keep this list going, so if you have something you’d love to share, please do get in touch! 

If you’re a fellow mummy blogger, I’d love to introduce you to my Mummy Blogger Marketing blog post series. I use my digital marketing background to discuss how to boost your domain authority over time, where to place your keywords and how to optimise URL slugs.

4 thoughts on “Parents Reveal Their Weird Google Searches

  1. I don’t have children but these questions are hilarious! Lol I guess no one is truly prepared for the ins and outs of parenthood. Good thing we have Google lol. And it must be a relief when a parent is typing a question in thinking they’re the only one and then see others have searched for the same thing.

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